Currently Listening Me & My Gang By Rascal Flatts see related

Don't really feel the need for a real update. So I've picked a few pictures from recent times that pretty much sum up my life lately. Enjoy

That last picture is a bunch of people I love....a few in particular but ya know how that goes with he and I. Lately it's just been me and me chillin out. I had a stressful couple of weeks involving many panic attacks and there was a week before spring break that things got fixed and now it's just time for me and for fun. My last entry I was really upset and now things are different. Not sure why but they are. I love my life right now and the people in it...

You think you know someone....and you think you care and they care and blah blah blah. Then you take a wrong turn somehow. And everything goes sour. The road you're on is one of those scary ones with big sad trees on both sides of it, shading everything so you can't see any sunlight. You know that road...you've been down it. It's scary and it's got all these turns and you really have no idea where it leads. But you keep driving because you wanna know. You know there's some chance that it ends up in a good place. And a little bit of sunlight comes and goes. But in my case, this was a dead end road. Actually there was a huge brick wall at the end of it and I crashed right in to it abruptly. Then you're stopped. And in shock. And kinda hurt. And since this is a hypothetical road, there aren't broken bones....just broken hearts. And you're so confused because you thought you were headed somewhere, anywhere. Not to the end of the road. You don't expect the bumps along the road, but you deal with them. And you think that with each inch you keep going, that it's going to end up in a good way, because that's how it's supposed to. Then there are little side roads along the way...and you wonder what it'd be like to go down them. And you might even turn just for a minute, but continue down the wrong road because it's strangely comfortable. You want to turn away but you can't. You're stuck on it. You keep going til you find the good ending or the wall. What do you do when you get to the wall? How do you pick up the pieces? How long til you go down another road and pick up where you left off? Do you even get another chance to go down the right road? What if you can't ever fix all the pieces of your broken heart from hitting the wall? What about when the bad road finds someone else, where do you put your car til you're ready? Does it get better? And why, God why, do we have to go down those roads that cause us to break like that? Why would someone put that wall up and why would someone want to hurt you? I don't understand. And I certainly don't like it. It doesn't seem fair that everything seems nice and right and just all of a sudden it all changes to that darkness. But you know what...you've got your friends around you, pulling you back in the sunlight. And you dabble into other roads. And it gets better. I think. I hope. I don't want to look back and regret it, but at this point, I regret  how I was and how I handled it and how much I just didn't see, or chose to ignore. So you learn from it. You learn to pick yourself up from that and to move on. And hopefully, you find another road to go down..with a little less bumps along the way, and a little more sunshine.....

Currently Listening Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for the Film Curious George (Jack Johnson) By Original Soundtrack, Jack Johnson Broken see related

Yep I'm still alive....life has been...interesting to say the least. Let's see....in the past 3 weeks....I've been spending a lot of time with my friends. Thank goodness for them. I'm not going to Japan for spring break. NO money, sucks. I really wanted to. I've realized how much I let sit on my heart and in my mind that sometimes just really really needs to be released. Like right now, I have so much to say. And I know that it's all stuff that needs to be said. But wow am I afraid to say things like that! Me and Red aren't together. But we still hang out. Not as much as we used to but none the less, we hang out. And it's great. I think the fact that we don't spend ALL of our time together makes the time we do spend together better. We even spent Valentine's day together. BUT at the same time, I feel like he's just wanting his cake and eating it too kind of thing...make sense? Like I really really do not understand how someone can be so mean to someone who will do anything for you. I took care of him when he was sick last week. I took care of Tucker while he was sleeping the other day. I would take him anywhere he needs to go. I call him to make sure he's awake for work. I'd bend over backwards for this man because I care, more than anything in the world. Why you ask? I think part of it is because I hope that one day it'll make him realize but a lot of it is because I treat people the way I want to be treated. I've always been giving when it came to relationships. I like taking care of people. But my goodness it can only go so far. But why can't I stop? Seriously there is this feeling in me that I can't explain that I have for him. No, no, no I'm not trying to be all "one love of my life blah blah blah" but I don't know what to do. I wish I could hate him. I wish I could just write him out of my life. But I honestly feel 200 times better when he's around or when I talk to him or when I know he's thinking about me or I'll get to see him or whatever. What does that mean? How do you stop caring? How do you know you're not supposed to care? When is enough enough? When does it become "too much"? And how do I stop wanting and caring and feeling and missing? What do I do?

ahhhh I love being a girl...